Monday, November 17, 2014

A Moment of Grace



For so long I have struggled with a tape in my head. And when it would start I was completely set on believing it was just the way I thought, just something I had to get through, until recently. I was sitting up late and everyone else was asleep. And the old tape began. At first it started as a creepy feeling of guilt that I wasn't doing something I should be doing. I ignored it. It came back a bit stronger, this time I let the thought in. "You're not doing enough," the tape whispered. I started getting antsy. So I got up and started to clean. I thought about how maybe I should get online and look at other women's blogs and see what they were doing right so I could see what I obviously was not doing enough of.
But then another thought came to me. A quiet and calm thought. " Sit and read the Bible." That's it. The only thing to do was to sit down and read the Scriptures. So after a few minutes of fighting that thought, I sat down and looked at some versus pertaining to Freedom. At first the different scripture versus didn't create any emotion or happy feelings but I persevered.
And then a tormenting thought came in my head, that my life that I know now in Christ inst going to last and  it is going to go away and I will be left with the deep misery I had before from chasing after the world. That feeling of never being enough and always feeling like I could do better. The feeling that people only love you if you're doing something for them. It is an overwhelming and hurtful feeling and yet that tape had become so common place in my mind that I hadn't even recognized it for what it was: a lie from Satan.
But at that moment sitting in front of scripture I could recognize it plain as day. So I did what any crazy in love with Jesus person would do. I said " Jesus send Satan away from me. get him out of my thoughts and my mind and keep him away from my husbands and my children's thoughts too! In Jesus name I pray, AMEN!"
And you know what, POOF!!!! That evil lie and the devil it road in on were gone and the most lovely and beautiful gift remained! Sweet, wonderful, over the moon...GRACE!! I was about dancing! It was wonderful to finally be freed from that Tape that has run in my head for years. Thank You Jesus for leading me to scripture and thank You to a new friend that reminded me of all that God has to offer though Christ recently!!! God is good and loss is gain!