Last night while my husband and I sat up watching a movie I heard my daughter make a funny noise in her room. We paused the movie and I went in to check on her. She came almost running out of her room completely disoriented and crying. I picked her up thinking she felt sick, because last time she acted that way she threw up everywhere. I picked her up and in the most pitiful and terrified way she stated " I want my mama." When I hear her say that in the way she said it with her already in my arms something inside me clicked. I knew in that moment I would protect her from anything. I would go to the ends of the earth in search for her...it was that kind of feeling. I sat down with her after turning on the light and reassured her as to where she was and that Papa and Mama were there and that no one would hurt her and that she was safe. She eventually feel asleep staring into my eyes as we lay down next to each other and slept through the rest of the night.
I realized while laying there that I have not been giving my children enough. I have not put the protective walls of my home high enough. I have not taken my vocation as serious as I could have in fear of rubbing someone the wrong way or having someone look at me and think that I was way over protective. I have been focusing my sights and thoughts on the wrong place. I remember reading something that really struck me enough to put in my homemakers journal.
You are loved and lovely, your work, your life as a homemaker and being a keeper at home is precious work. Never ever let anyone or anything persuade you otherwise and never allow the enemy to come in and flood your thoughts out of your home and wash away your commitment to improve and be strengthened in your role as the wife: helper to your husband, the keeper of the home, the mother of children and the light and joy of the family. You're worth it. Be an excellent homemaker. Your family is worth it! Do good things daily.
Now I know its obvious that this is not from a Catholic source but it does sound very Biblical and thats pretty darn Catholic :) I found this one day and really thought " Wow, what I do is very important!" Well last night I was reminded that I should read this homemakers encouragment and set my eyes on Christ and then through my gaze set on Christ, my family will come into focus. I need to roll up my sleeves and start laying some ground work.
Now I must say that I have just been coming out of a pretty bad bout of depression and the light is once again shining on the horizon so I am capable of giving that extra push that I couldnt before. This is important to know. Sometimes for whatever reason we are sent a cross that seems counter to what our walk is. When I get a thyroid invoked depression and anxiety episode I cant stop thinking how I am so far from what God wants me to be and to do. But God knows where I am and He's using every second of my cross to build my family up whether it be physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually.
I am loved by God and He thinks I am lovely and He has blessed my work and life as a homemaker and has called it precious work. Even in my darkest hour I have learned to try my best at remembering that He is our strength in our weaknesses and that He is strengthening my commitment everyday towards my call to stay at home and serve and guide my children and to serve and love my husband.
I'm excited about all the possibilities that God has set in my path and all that He is calling me to accomplish through His mighty hand and His Grace.
My prayer is that God may show you your path and that your heart will call out to you and show you your way and that you will be capable of honoring that call. For His grace is sufficient even when the thorn in our side tells us otherwise. In Jesus Holy name I pray -Amen Our Lady of Knots pray for all of your children. Bring us closer to your Sons heart while you whisper our cries to Him as He sits on His throne.