Saturday, April 20, 2013


I desire righteousness not mantra for the day. One of those days of deep breathing and tightly squeezed eyes while my heart beats quick in my chest. Past memories, trying to understand purpose of those times, trying to figure out "who I am" are all plaguing me today. But as I found myself deep in the old familiar confusing place of trying to figure everything out and things not making very much sense to me the thought came to me how God loves the cry of praise from the heart that is hurting or the soul that doesnt feel joyful. So I raised my heart up and praised Him for being Him and suddenly the mantra came to me: I desire righteousness not understanding for He gives peace that surpasses understanding and I felt so much more at peace. Then its like God was explaining to me that its His job to figure it all out and its my job to  just try to make righteous choices and to trust in His Truth and His mercy. Mercy has always bothered me alittle bit because it  made me feel like I was so bad and I needed this MERCY to come down and make me something better. But His mercy is just that He loves me so much and sees all that I have to go through and He is so awesome that He doesnt want to let me just sit here alone and have to go through this alone. He comes and sits with me and gives me peace, so that i can function and thrive.c

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