Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Depression



Having a very hard day today. Depression seems to be over coming my thoughts and my actions. Im feeling like Im not good enough, like I  never do enough, feeling incapable. That anxious feeling I have gets my heart pounding faster when I let it in. Ive done some things to try to stop the wheel thats turning in my head...

I did a reading lesson with my son
Made a quiche
In the process of letting homemade bread rise
Cut pieces for my sons quilt Im working on
Washed the table cloth and laid it back on the table all pretty and clean

But through doing those things all I can think about are all the things Im supposed to be doing or what I think my family wants me to be doing. I tell my son whenever he gets something in his mind and cant stop thinking about it that he has to try to stop the wheel from turning by doing something or trying to think of something else. So Im trying to take my own advice and bake, sew, clean but it is hard to stop that darn wheel. Its amazing how no matter what changes in a persons life there is always a struggle. For me my struggle in tightly related to my thyroid levels. I missed a few days of my Armour and Im now feeling it.  Its so important to remember that these feelings are going to pass and that in a few days I will not feel the same...heck in a few hours Ill probably feel alittle better.  
This is what I need to remember

I am loved
I have great purpose because I exist
I may not be doing AB or C but I am doing something
                 like making yummy homemade bread for my family
I have 4 people that I can help to feel loved and nurtured every day, in a way that only I can!

Im going to be ok. Im going to feel better  soon and even if I dont I can remember that its just a feeling or some type of imbalance with in my body and it will level out. And in the mean time my house is clean, my kids are fed and are playing and my husband has lunch and a love note on his computer from his wife and here I am writing and enjoying sitting with nice posture for one :) Its gonna be ok.

Thank You Lord for showing my purpose and my value
(I like to share these feelings to help other women know theyre not alone in their daily lives and struggles-it ALWAYS encourages me when I hear another women share her hardships to know that I am not the only one and that she and I do not have to go at this alone)

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