Monday, November 26, 2012
Yesterday the kids were sick so my husband and I had to go to Mass separately while one stayed home with the kids. So, I actually went to Mass alone. It was wild...I got to hear everything and see everything and close my eyes. It was great. I felt a little vulnerable and bare though with out my little brood huddled close and my dear husband holding our baby( our littlest one just LOVES Papa holding him in Mass). It was amazing though because Lord spoke to me two different times and the things He said to me were so dear I had to grab a paper and pencil and write them down.
The first thing came about when I found myself looking at people, which Padre Pio says is a big no no. I find myself focusing on people and not on the Liturgy or the consecration. Anyway....I was looking around and enjoying all the different people and thinking about how we are all connected in the Eucharist and how God has made us all and wants us to know Him and to know one another. Then the thought popped into my head about why people act a certain way or why they dress a certain way. Specifically a young lady who had a pretty heart necklace and a bright pink top and her hair was arranged in just the perfect way. She was lovely and at that sweet age where they are just so impressionable, somewhere between 12 and 15 I'd guess. Well Ill try to get to my point, I noticed her and thought about why we as women have such a strong desire to be lovely and to be noticed for our outward appearance. Then suddenly Gods voice spoke deeply within my soul and said
" She is trying speak. She is speaking through her action and dress. Dont judge her by these things. Look at her dignity in Christ and find out what she is really trying to say"
It was beautiful! It was...I cant even describe what it was like. My soul felt embraced by Him and His words. And as always His words are freeing. For the first time in my life I finally now know how to look at another person with the eyes of Christ...and it is FREEING.
Well right after receiving the Eucharist and meeting Christ intimately once again, I was overwhelmed with the fact that I am beyond blessed with this gift of being with Him so completely. All the heartache and giving of my self and letting things go that I think I may want all for Him is so worth it when I sit in awe of being able to be in His presence and Him be within me. I was looking around the church at every person that was there and how Christ craves us and desires our hearts and I was overwhelmed with the question " How can I be a good witness to You Lord...I have a past that is so shameful and ugly and how can I share You Lord and be able to really express to others Your Glory and Your majesty and then He spoke to me once again
"Through the misery that you have experienced I will show them my Truth"
I felt the tears well up and I felt a release. He is It, the Truth, everything, all there is. I am safe in Him. My brokenness is safe in Him, my vulnerability is safe in Him. I am so thankful that He loves us this much, so much.