Wednesday, November 28, 2012
I have just spent the last 30 minutes drawing a picture of Christ crucified, but it wasnt till the last 5 minutes or so until I looked into the eyes of my drawing of Christ and started thinking what was it that he felt, experienced and how did he interact with the world around him in these last moments. I saw pain, deep sadness and at the same time a moment of privilege which sounds funny but when I think about it this moment was His moment (in a certain way) of his entering into His Kingship. He had been made worthy in chastisement (in a sense-Hes always worthy) in being scourged. He had been crowned in His coronation with the crown of thorns, and He had walked the long walk holding the heavy Cross to His place of veneration on the cross. There He is looking out upon His kingdom knowing all that a good and mighty King must do to save His people and He was beyond willing to do it. I am so in love with Him, my King and Savior. He envelops us in His powerful act of LOVE and MERCY on the cross. He looks out upon us with the most genuine look of charity and at one of His last moments He says " I thirst"--He thirsts for us so deeply He gives everything...His very self.
Please help me Jesus to see You as my King daily and to look deeply into Your eyes and see the mighty gift you have given and the deep privilege and power that You posses from this great moment high on the cross having given it all.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Yesterday the kids were sick so my husband and I had to go to Mass separately while one stayed home with the kids. So, I actually went to Mass alone. It was wild...I got to hear everything and see everything and close my eyes. It was great. I felt a little vulnerable and bare though with out my little brood huddled close and my dear husband holding our baby( our littlest one just LOVES Papa holding him in Mass). It was amazing though because Lord spoke to me two different times and the things He said to me were so dear I had to grab a paper and pencil and write them down.
The first thing came about when I found myself looking at people, which Padre Pio says is a big no no. I find myself focusing on people and not on the Liturgy or the consecration. Anyway....I was looking around and enjoying all the different people and thinking about how we are all connected in the Eucharist and how God has made us all and wants us to know Him and to know one another. Then the thought popped into my head about why people act a certain way or why they dress a certain way. Specifically a young lady who had a pretty heart necklace and a bright pink top and her hair was arranged in just the perfect way. She was lovely and at that sweet age where they are just so impressionable, somewhere between 12 and 15 I'd guess. Well Ill try to get to my point, I noticed her and thought about why we as women have such a strong desire to be lovely and to be noticed for our outward appearance. Then suddenly Gods voice spoke deeply within my soul and said
" She is trying speak. She is speaking through her action and dress. Dont judge her by these things. Look at her dignity in Christ and find out what she is really trying to say"
It was beautiful! It was...I cant even describe what it was like. My soul felt embraced by Him and His words. And as always His words are freeing. For the first time in my life I finally now know how to look at another person with the eyes of Christ...and it is FREEING.
Well right after receiving the Eucharist and meeting Christ intimately once again, I was overwhelmed with the fact that I am beyond blessed with this gift of being with Him so completely. All the heartache and giving of my self and letting things go that I think I may want all for Him is so worth it when I sit in awe of being able to be in His presence and Him be within me. I was looking around the church at every person that was there and how Christ craves us and desires our hearts and I was overwhelmed with the question " How can I be a good witness to You Lord...I have a past that is so shameful and ugly and how can I share You Lord and be able to really express to others Your Glory and Your majesty and then He spoke to me once again
"Through the misery that you have experienced I will show them my Truth"
I felt the tears well up and I felt a release. He is It, the Truth, everything, all there is. I am safe in Him. My brokenness is safe in Him, my vulnerability is safe in Him. I am so thankful that He loves us this much, so much.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
This word carries so much weight...time...worry...stress...patience...prudence...release...new beginnings.
I find my family in a new stage of waiting. My husbands schooling is almost over and the next chapter in our lives is just around the corner. We have no absolute concrete knowledge of where we are going though. Its a good time to really stop and continuously pray and trust in Gods providence and His plan for our lives as a family. I have such peace in my heart knowing that God is creating the perfect place for us to be able to further His kingdom and wherever it is that He places us will be ideal for the specific gifts that He has given us and all the experiences that we have had. I am so thankful for His great Love and His gift of human dignity and person hood, so that we may express Him fully through our continued gift of ourselves to Him.
Like this picture above, we sit in expectation of the goodness of Gods Life to bring forth whatever it is that He is masterfully creating. All I know is that He is an amazing artist painting with the most brilliant of colors, his brush strokes leaving trails of stardust in the heavens and roaring waves pour from His majestic fingers and the fields of flowing grass and wildflowers knitted together from the lovely spindle of green and pinks and purple beauty. He is there in every moment breathing joyful anticipation into my heart and continuously calling me to follow Him into all new lands and worlds of wonder!
Do we serve an amazing God or what! WOW....
I am so grateful that I have been given the gift of being able to
know Him intimately , serve Him fully and Love Him unconditionally!